Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Stealing Stepford Back

Perfectly set hair and nails. Golden, flaky pie crusts and freshly squeezed lemonade.  Pearls and cocktail dresses. Bubbly and beautiful.

Dang it, I want to be a Stepford Wife. Minus the circuitry and wires.

I guess I'm in the stone age, I don't know. But I'm not really a fan of the "grab your hammer and put on your overalls, don't wear bras or take showers or shave your armpits," women's lib movement. Sorry, Charlie. I just don't dig it.

*Queue wavy dream sequence.*

In my dreams, I wake up in the morning and slip on my pink robe, make breakfast, pat the kids on the head, and send them off to school. I give my hubby a big smooch, and begin my day of housewifing. Yes, I made that word up. And by "housewifing" I mean taking the one hour I would need to get my housework done without any distractions or kids hanging around my ankles.

Then it's off to the beauty parlor, or the nail salon, or the masseuse....depending on which day of the week it happened to be. And after getting my much-deserved pampering, I would meet up with my girlfriends for lunch, where we'd discuss the latest books we were reading, or projects we were working on. We'd brag about how our husbands are the most awesome husbands there are. We'd go on and on and on about how beautifully our daughters were maturing and how intelligent, talented and/or successful our sons were. Then we would argue over who gets the bill this time, because we're all debt free thanks to our handy envelopes, and money just isn't an issue anyway. ;)

And then I would return home to bake something delicious for dessert that evening while humming along to some bubbly tunes on the radio...we're Stepfords...we don't whistle while we work...we hum. I'd prep for dinner and then spend some time working on whichever hobby suited my fancy at the time. Maybe scrapbooking. Maybe painting. Could be shopping. :)

By then I look at the clock and realize that the day is slipping away from me. I'd have an hour before the kids came from school. I'd whip up some chocolate drizzled rice krispie treats, or slice up some fruit and wait for my children to bang through the door. They're greeted with a hug and snack, and then they sit down together at the table to do homework. And I would start dinner and bug the kids about their day while I waited until my husband got home, sporting his tie and briefcase. (Insert your own fantasy man's professional attire here. Maybe it's a hard hat or a badge, I don't know, you pick!) In my fantasy, it's definitely a tie and briefcase. You can probably guess why. :)

We'd enjoy dinner together, actually speak to each other, and follow it up with the delicious dessert I had prepared. The evening would be spent reading, perhaps a family bible study, working outdoors, or entertaining friends. Occasionally there is a recital, or a sporting event, or maybe a play to attend. And at the end of the day, after everyone had enjoyed a final evening snack of milk and cookies, we'd retire to our rooms and peacefully slumber, recharging for the next inevitably wonderful day....


Alright, so maybe some of it is a stretch. I mean, housework? Isn't that what the cleaning lady is for?  Haha. But seriously, I'm shooting for Stepford. Remember the quote from the Dream House post about aiming high? Yeah, that applies to this, too. Tonight it was spaghetti and lemonade, but give me some time and it'll be baked ziti and sangria. I don't even drink sangria, but that's what it's going to be. And I'll be PROUD of it. I don't care if someone thinks I'm "setting women back fifty years." :)

There are so many blogs devoted to making fun of the "supermom" or the happy housewife, and I think it's kind of a shame. So this post is a BIG FAT "neener, neener!" to the Stepford haters out there. I mean, seriously... happy kids, happy husband, happy wife. Well, that sounds just horrible to me.

You know what I say? Take me to Stepford. And step on it!


Alanna said...

You are not alone, I totally agree with you! In fact, I always tell Andrew that I was born in the wrong time period, I really should have been a 50's housewife :)
I really dislike how jobs define when you meet someone new and the first question they ask is "what do you do?" Why not ask about what they enjoy to do, what their passions and goals are?
Anyway, I loved reading this and being reminded that I'm not the only one out there who still thinks like this :)

Anonymous said...

Adrien, you are too cute.

Ashley N. said...

I'm with ya girl! And I'm not even married, but that's how I want my house to be!

Cassie said...

Just remember Adrien, Dave Ramsey said, live like no one else so later you can LIVE like no one else. Enjoy that spagehtti and lemonade now because give it 5 or 10 years and turn that into mahi mahi and a fine wine from some vineyard in napa. :)

Adrien said...

I'm glad I'm not alone! Thanks for coming out of the shadows and saying so...not everyone will. :)

Love it, Cassie! It's hard to hold back and live below your's so encouraging to know it doesn't last forever!


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