Monday, January 24, 2011

Conquering the Three Month Blues

I am not exaggerating in the least when I say that I prayed that God would send to me a perfectly matched spouse since I was 12 years old. I'm pretty sure I even spoke these words at least once: "Lord, I don't even care if he's ugly, just make me the happiest happy I can possibly be." :) And before I took my vows to marry Eric I was convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he and I were definitely meant to be together. It was a wonderful feeling, to be so sure. (And I'm still sure, in case you were wondering, haha.)

Eric and I dated for six-and-a-half years before we became husband and wife. And in that time there was definitely some drama and definitely some growing up that needed to be done before we could stand before our friends and family and our God and make such a HUGE commitment. And I can honestly say that our six-and-a-half year journey was the perfect amount of time for us. We grew up and moved on past the normal stages of a new relationship to a place that left us primed and ready to begin our life together. We were so "there" and on the same page that we probably hadn't had so much as a little tiff for about a year before, and then a year after, we were married. (It was pure joy, I tell you.)

Our 3 month old Evie!

But when our first-born turned about three months old things began Eric was working hard, doing his normal thing. But I was changing. I was tired; I was strung out; I was suddenly feeling resentful that I was doing 95% of the housework (even though I stayed home all day.) I was stewing over the fact that I was nursing an infant whose survival depended on me and me alone. When Evie cried, I was the only one who had the magic juice to turn her off. It was a humongous load to carry.

And I got crabby and snippy, and I probably wasn't a very fun person to be around. And poor Eric, who was just being Eric, couldn't understand why his leaving clothes on the floor and making messes on the counters were suddenly no longer acceptable behaviors. I was pushed to-the-limit.

But then, gradually, things began to get better. Evelyn was chilling out...she began to depend on me less. She was growing up. And my demands as a mother began to get slightly easier. Life was back to normal. Sunshine and daisies and all that junk. You know, when it's good, it's really good.

Our 3 month old Gracie!

Fast-forward to today. Guess how old my second born is? You betcha - three months old. And over the past couple of weeks my attitude has whistled down like the ominous sound of an impending grenade explosion. I am tired; I am strung out; I am suddenly feeling resentful that I am doing 95% of the housework (even though I stay home all day.) I am stewing over the fact that I am nursing an infant whose survival depends on me and me alone. When Gracie cries, I am the only one who has the magic juice to turn her off. I am carrying a humongous load. Deja vu, anyone?

But this time things are different, because we have been here before. And Eric, while being completely blindsided once again, reminded me that these feelings that I'm having aren't new, and we've trudged through this muck already. And we're going to trudge through it again...hand in hand.

And he did what every good husband should do in situations such as these: He took me away from the babies for a night, filled my belly with food I didn't cook on dishes I wouldn't have to clean, and got me to think about other things for a little while. We make a fabulous team. Prayers answered, I say!

But that wasn't all. Yesterday, while I was at a baby shower with Grace, Eric watched Evie AND cleaned the house for me. It was swell coming home to a clean house for once and knowing that I didn't clean it. :) We're trudging, baby. But we're trudging together. 

So while Grace has quite a while before she is out of the ultra-needy phase, I can already see the light at the end of the tunnel. Things will be normal again. Life will get a little easier again. And I will choose to have a good attitude.

Marriage is infinitely better when I'm able to realize that it's probably not actually my spouse that's driving me nuts, but the stress in my life that's pushing me to the edge. Yes, he may do things that leave me scratching my head, but when I'm totally honest with myself, it's usually my own attitude that determines the outcome of every situation, every conversation, every confrontation.

And for my single sisters (and brothers) out's never ever too early or too late to start praying for your future spouse. My prayers were totally answered...and he didn't even have to be ugly! ;)


Cassie said...

Amen sister!! Good for you. I really needed this post, thank you!! Marriage is hard and it's tested every day especially with babies. But seeing those old people who have been married for 40 some or 60 some plus years who have a love that is just unexplainable, makes it totally worth it. Thanks again!!

Kim Luke said...

Love love this post!!!!!!! It really opened my eyes & it's soo nice to know I'm not alone with these feelings!!! :)

Sarah said...

Adrien, you are not a horrible person. This post is great crazy girl! You are so right, it does get easier. All of it. I'm going to have to re-read this post in a few months :)

And YOU do deserve a break every once in awhile. You become a better parent when you do!

GO Eric!!! What a good hubby :)

Stefanie said...

Oh goodness Tyler would love to know he's not the only one who is married to someone who has these very same emotional breakdowns. I'm beyond happy with life but at the same time I'm stressed, frustrated, exhausted and slightly angry that I feel like I'm doing everything alone. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has my "crazy" moments!

Babysteps23 said...

Great post - so very, very true. I wish someone would have told me this before I had the baby. The smallest things would drive me crazy and I took it all out on my poor husband. Thank goodness for husbands that can look back on a phase like that and laugh with you. You live and learn. :)

Adrien said...

Thank you all for your comments! They are a big encouragement during this crazy time. :)


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