Thursday, January 27, 2011

Whoops! I did it again....

Oh my gosh. Seriously. I'm pretty sure I fell asleep last night without brushing my teeth OR taking my makeup off. I never ever do that! And prior to slipping off to slumber land I had a blog idea in mind, but of course now I cant remember just what that idea was.

I'm also typing this one-handed while I feed a baby, so bear with me. :)

So I've pointed you all in the direction of this blog several times before: Enjoying the Small Things. It probably remains my favorite blog of all time. Kelle is like my next door neighbor best girlfriend and she has no idea. I am inspired by her to do crazy, fun things with my girls. She really does make me want to just stop and enjoy the small things in life. (Glad you've been keeping up with her, too, Sarah! Isn't she FABULOUS??)

And while I wouldn't trade lives with Kelle for anything in the world, she does have one thing I am totally jealous of...her "net" of girlfriends. (That's what her blog just happened to be about this morning, and it reminded me of it once again.) I have had just a handful of close girlfriends over the course of my entire life. Many of them now live all over the country, and I can't just call them up one night and say, "Hey guys, come over for a night of candles and blankets and girl talk under the stars!"

I'm not gonna lie, it kind of stinks. And I have a couple of past girlfriends who DO live close and that I've tried to reconnect with over and over again, but they just don't seem interested anymore. That stinks even more. I've sometimes looked at Evelyn and told her, "You're the best girlfriend I've got, kid." Haha.

No, this is not a pity party for Adrien. Because life is good just the way it is, and I'm not just saying that. But there are days that I wish I could just get the "girls" together for a day of shopping or pampering...two things that Eric, my very best friend, just isn't interested in. :)

Okay, now here's a really real honest confession...sometimes I feel like I'm the "flavor of the week," an "expendable friend." Someone who is fun to be with once in a while, but not worthy of a real, true friendship. I SWEAR, this is not a pity party! It's just a thought that I've had many times before, and I don't talk about it much. Because the truth is, I don't know that at this point in my life I could give as much to a friendship as I would like. My time is consumed with babies and housework and wife stuff.

But there will come a day when things slow down, and I'm afraid that I'll look around and think, "Hey...where did all of my friends go?" I'm sure I'm not the only stay at home mom that has had these feelings. So I think I'm going to start making a more concerted effort to be the friend that I wish I had. Because I know that I've let people down, too. And I think there are some girls-only festivities that need to happen sometime in the future.

I have some ideas up my sleeve. And yes, they do include candles and blankets and girl talk. :) Because I do NOT want to wake up one day and find myself totally friendless. That's just not cool. I want my own "net" of girlfriends. And I'd like them to be over two feet tall. :)

Can you believe I wrote an entire blog post with no pictures? Me neither! Erm...girl power. :D


Cassie said...

There is a HUGE difference between your fiends who are married and the ones who aren't. Theres a HUGE difference between your friends who have kids and the one who don't. I think everyone can agree to that. Seriously hanging out with my friends who don't have kids or husbands just really isn't the same. And sometimes after a night out with them and I'm heading home I think, why did I pass up an evening with my family for that. I can't wait for that day when all my friends are on the same page, but I doubt it will ever be.
I sit all the time and think I wish I had more friends who "understood." Oh well.
I guess that's why they always say, Family First.

Meagan said...

I think you jumped into my brain and wrote exactly how I feel about my friendships too!! I feel like after I had Keegan my frienships kinda went downhill...don't get me wrong, I still see them and talk to them but not nearly as much as I use to, we just live completely different lifestyles now. Besides Ryan, I don't have anyone who I would consider to be a real best friend, I have lots of friends that I love but it would be nice to have that BFF, so I know exactly where you are coming from.

Meg said...

I feel the same way girl. I always feel like I am a bad friend, because I don't do what they always do! I have a girlfirend, that I met at my old job, she is one of those girls that everyone loves and gets along with. I love her to pieces, but she has SO many friends and I feel like such a loser becuase I have a number of friends that I can count on my hand. Really, I see it that you dont' need several friends to make you happy, as long as those friends you have keep you happy and are your true friends. I consider my husband one of my best friends. I can tell him everything, and i know he will be there for anything and everything. :)

You can talk to me if you need a friend! :)

Take care!

Alanna said...

I totally agree with you as well. It seems like after college everyone just spreads out to different states and even different countries. It is hard to reconnect with friends, especially if they are in a different point in their life than you are. I'm not going to lie, it makes me miss the college days when there were friends living just down the hall instead of thousands of miles away! Oh, and we would totally be sewing and crafting together if we were neighbors! :)

Heather Rahn said...

I'm going to comment from the other side of things...the Single Childless Friend.

It's a bit different for us too. I don't have a friend that's not either married or a mom or both. Not one. And let me tell you, it sucks. Because while everyone thinks life is a party for the single friend, its not. We have to wait until the moms want to get a babysitter, or pry themselves away from their husbands for a night. And we are alone while we wait. You do feel like your relationship is not as important anymore, and you do start to find comfort with other single friends...because while the moms need the friend net, so do the single girls. And it's really hard when the married friends pull back from the friendship because you don't have a boyfriend or husband to entertain their husbands they just start saying no to hanging out. That makes you feel about as important as a dish rag. And it really hurts to have the fact that you are not in a relationship used against you.

So just remember...when you think your single friends don't understand and that they are just forgetting about you...that's probably not the case. They are just adjusting to your wife/mom life too!

Pettijohn said...

Hey this post is weird cause Vince and I were just talking about this last night. We feel the same way about our friendships to. I think some of the friends we have only come around when they want something and that is annoying. I have to agree with Cassie, there is a difference between your friends that have their own family and those that do not. I prefer the ones that do to hangout with anymore. Vince and I were surprised when you invited us over that one night. We had fun just unexpected, it gave us a different enviroment and we liked it. Anyway so do not feel like you are alone cause obvicously you are not.

Adrien said...

I love all of these perspectives on this issue! I think everyone struggles to balance friends and personal lives. So sad, but true. I really hope that my single friends know that even though we don't have that in common anymore, when I want a girls night, I just want it to be about the girls! Unfortunately, it's really hard to make that happen.

That's why I want that "net." A group of good friends who realize that it's difficult to get together, but who will always be there when one of us needs it. I feel like my "net" got left in the dust, and no matter how hard I try to put it back together, it just isn't happening.

Babysteps23 said...

I think having a "net" is so important. My group of college friends/teammates went a long time without seeing each other. There was an occasional wedding or an alum event, but beyond that we never made the time. It is so easy to get wrapped up in our own lives.

It does take some effort, but my group of close girlfriends and I have been getting together once a month. We each take turns planning whatever we want to do, set the date far in advance and just enjoy the company.

We are all in a different phase of our lives: there are the single ladies, the married ladies and the married with children. Its definitely not the same as it used to be, but its a good different. We are all learning from each others experiences and sharing our ups and downs along the way.

Good luck with finding/building your net. Does a blog net count? :)

Sarah said...

I'm a little envious of Kelle's TRUE friendships. I have had the same friends my entire life. I love them all dearly, but life has pulled us in different directions. Just like any other kind of relationship, you grow, change your way of thinking, have different priorities. Although, I will always have these friends. I do not feel like I have a "net" of woman that I truly connect too anymore.

And your right, sometimes the husband or the 'littles' don't cut it.There are just some things that only woman can really relate and connect too. Especially mommies and wives in our case. I connect with you girls (my bbfs: blogger best friends) more than anyone. Thank you for that!

Stefanie said...

I actually started to write a post about this last week. I'm in the same boat. I've got a very small batch of people I talk to anymore and it's hard. I love Tyler dearly but sometimes you just need a good girl friend to be there for you, to shop with, etc. I felt this my jr. year of college when Tyler and I got engaged people kinda drop you and then once we got married before my senior year I ended up with a handful of people that still wanted to get together and then after graduation the number dropped even more. It's hard but I'm grateful for the few that are there.


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