Monday, September 14, 2015

We're Really Married Now

We're BACK! Our trip was...amazing. Again! Haha. Everything came together just as I'd hoped...the reservations were secured, the days went as planned. I can't wait to share every little minute detail with you...starting tomorrow...hopefully. ;) I think I can get it all in four posts for the remainder of the week. It was a shorter trip this time. They might be monster posts, but I think I can do it!

And now onto the real post of the day.....


*******

The cursed seventh year.

It is the stuff of legend on a mommy message board I belong to.

Everyone knows, or at least has heard, that marriage can be really really hard sometimes. When two imperfect people come together there is bound to be some crazy stuff going down sooner or later. We are emotional people. We expect a lot from the person we love. The person we love fails us, inevitably. And when the one person that's supposed to be in our corner is the one person we are at odds with, life SUCKS for a little while. Yay marriage!

I think we've been conditioned to believe that the tough times are the times that weaken our relationships...any relationship, really...but especially with a spouse. Having problems must mean that something is wrong. (Something IS wrong, but usually not what we think at first. Stay with me here, haha.)

But I am here to say...bull!

Tough times are tests. And we are only presented with tests in this life after we have been given a little (and sometimes ample) time to study up. Nothing, and I mean nothing, in this life is thrown at us without a way out, without tools to deal. (1 Corinthians 10:13) And when we can't see what has been given to us to help us deal, God promises that he will always be there to listen and help us see the clear path. He can take the burdens away. Whether or not we turn to God in our moments of despair is, I believe, also a test. ;)

Tough times mean you are being primed and readied. Ready for a change. Ready for a test. That's why difficult times show us what we are really made of, how far we've come...and more importantly, what we're not - what we still need and WHO we need. Sometimes tests and trials are a gentle reminder, and sometimes they are a big punch in the face to tell us to WAKE UP!! At any rate, they truly do make us stronger in the end. No one is tested for no reason. We don't always know what the reason is, but it's not really our job to know. We are students, we are the clay.

So back to that seven year curse.


Obligatory picture of us. :)

About a year ago I was perusing one of my favorite websites, when a topic came up about problems in marriage. Women from all over the country and around the world were sharing stories of how, in their seventh year of marriage, they were REALLY tested in some way in their relationship. It was an odd and almost eerie coincidence that year seven marked the beginning of really tough times for so many people. Many stories were shared of how perfectly happy and normal couples hit a wall in that seventh year. Sadly, many divorced in that seventh year. It was as if life just began to unravel for them.

I read those stories with a little trepidation. Eric and I hadn't been married for quite that long, and we had yet to be faced with any huge obstacles in our relationship. We had an awesome marriage, as far as I could tell. But did we really?

I mean. We loved each other. We worked well together. We rarely fought. But...it was easy to do. Our marriage was easy. We had yet to be tested by anything that might pit us on opposite sides of an issue. We were always on the same page with everything. Clearly, we still had a lesson to learn. :)

Dun dun dun....

Cue this summer. It completely blindsided us. When you celebrate an anniversary, it's not the beginning of a new year you are celebrating, but the completion of a previous one. This summer was our seventh summer. We celebrated our seventh anniversary yesterday. (Hooray!) But we did not come out of this year without some really difficult times. We were tested in ways that we have never been tested before (and please God, never again!! Please!!)

I've touched on it a little bit here, but this summer was awful for us. I can't even share all of the reasons why. But it was AWFUL!! I am still dealing with some of the raw emotions. (I would like to clear up here, for the record, that it was nothing scandalous. Haha. No like, Josh Duggar lite stuff going on.) I feel like our relationship has been forever changed because of everything we faced. But that's not necessarily a bad thing in the end. We learned so much about each other. We learned how to talk through the really tough issues and how to deal delicately with each other's feelings when we clearly disagree on something. I wanted to give up. I was done feeling like a nut case and I was so over my emotions being all over the place. I just wanted it to be OVER. Anything, just make it stop!

But Eric proved himself to me over and over again with the patience of a saint that nothing will ever come between us. He looked me in the eyes, my face in his hands, and said, "I am not going to let this happen."


I have come to this blog year after year and shared wedding memories and lovely sentiments about my husband for our anniversary. This year, not all of the memories are pretty ones. But for the first time I can say that we have overcome something extremely difficult together and our marriage is better, stronger, and richer because of it. It has been affirmed to me just how well-matched we are, in a way only providence can create, and just how blessed I am to have Eric for a husband. I am more thankful than ever and more convinced than ever of the importance of having God at the center of our relationship. We are imperfect on our own, and I discovered I fail pretty miserably when I try to take a life test by myself. I need God's guidance in everything I do. I discovered it was much easier to take a test I felt totally unprepared for when I asked God to come and take it for me. Imagine that. :)

Is there really such a thing as a seven year curse? I am not a superstitious person, so I'm just going to throw out there that this is probably just one big coincidence.

Then again...God really really likes to use the number seven for things.

Haha! ;)

So today I want to wish my husband a very Happy 7th Anniversary (yesterday!) Whew, we made it! I can't wait for many more years to come with you!!

And for those still waiting for that seven year anniversary. Godspeed, my friends. Godspeed. ;)

9 comments:

Heather said...

#relationshipgoals

Adrien said...

Haha, it makes me smile when you say things like that, but really...if you could have been a fly on the wall. Pretty sure we could have won an Emmy for Best New Drama. :)

Heather said...

I hear making up from fights makes the best babies. Just sayin.... :)

Adrien said...

Thus the "scare" we had this summer. :D

Cassie said...

Love this! You two are a great pair and know more people look to you two for strength than you know. Congrats!

Adrien said...

Thank you! I so appreciate the encouragement you girls give me. :) Sometimes I hesitate to share this stuff, and you always make me feel better about it!

Stefanie said...

Oh, heavens. I love Tyler dearly but, marriage is hard! We celebrated year 8 this year and I'm not sure I remember anything particularly hard about year seven but every year has its challenges! Tyler may not be traveling like Eric but his hectic schedule for work, volunteering on the fire dept, and the at home business side of things are enough to make me crazy sometimes. I can't remember the last time we had a night at home without him getting called out on work, on a fire/accident, having to sit down and make bids for new construction. Life gets too busy. You guys handle it like champs!

Stephanie Scutari said...

To me one of the great things that has come out of all our life struggles is that our marriage is rock solid. A lot of issues that plague couples don't even come close to our marriage. When you end up with a develomentally disabled child and a mentally ill spouse in just six years of marriage, it feels more like 20 years.

Adrien said...

Yes, I absolutely believe working through trials can only make you stronger! And going through those trials is much easier with the common denominator I know you girlies share in your marriages, too. It's totally faith that gets us through, and nothing we could do on our own! Haha, I understand in some small part how it can feel so much longer. When I think about the fact that we have four kids and remember all that we've been through, it's hard to believe it's ONLY been seven years!

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