Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Yes, I Admit It....

...I am terrified of baby #5.

I'm shaking in my baby booties over this one.

It's not the labor and delivery. The agony of each intense contraction. It's not the very real possibility of getting to enjoy an epidural shot, only to have it fail anyway. (I have a 50% success rate on this one.) It's not the long healing process or the sleepless nights that I dread. That's all normal.

It's the number five. It's an odd number. And any time we have an odd numbered child in this house, all heck breaks loose. It throws off the balance in our family in a weird way. The kids LOSE their minds. It's like the perfect storm of crazy, and I am terrified.  I may have discussed all of this before, I don't know, but it bears repeating in this moment. I'm certain I've shared my personal baby theory with friends and even a few strangers before.

Going from no babies to one baby is a huge transition for any person. Becoming a parent is one of the biggest life changes anyone can go through. We were no exception there. I didn't think Evelyn was a particularly difficult baby, but going from none to one is huge.

Aw...a baby Evie and newbie parents. :)

When we added Grace to the mix, she slid in like she always belonged. We hardly noticed we added another kid. One to two was easy peasy.


Then there was Reagan. If you go back and read the blogs from after he was born (or if you have a superhuman brain and you actually remember) then you know that life was nuts for a while after he came. I thought I was losing it. The words "What have we done??" may have been brandished around. The two older girls were in rare form, I was a complete mess. It took a long time for us to get used to having more kids than parents. Again, he wasn't a hard baby, it was just a really hard transition. Baby three was crazy!

A beautiful but HOT MESS. :)

Next came Charlotte. Baby #4. It was like with her coming we restored a balance to our family that we didn't even know we were missing. Just like Gracie, she joined us and it was like she had always been here. Two kids for each parent - one for each hand. It worked. Four was the perfect number. We thought we were done!

After the longest night of my life! But such a sweet baby. 

And now we're about to bulldoze over our perfectly balanced child life again. Number five. Once again, we are outnumbered in a way. And once again, as we gear up for the birth of our LAST (we mean it this time) baby, the kids are starting to go stir-crazy. I don't know what has been going through their little minds but the amount of messes and shouting and general craziness has been ramped up lately, and I am already dreading bringing a newborn home to the romper room.

I know I'm not alone in this, because I've talked to other moms who have as many kids as we do, and they cite similar experiences. The odd babies are often the toughest transitions. I hope to prove this theory wrong. I hope that we are pleasantly surprised this time. I hope I hope I hope. But I've been bracing myself for the storm. :)

Lincoln, I truly apologize for the things you may see and hear in your first weeks of life. When you look around through your hazy, sleepy eyes all dazed and confused and wonder, "Who are these people?" just remember that it's not your fault. You didn't get to choose to be number five. You didn't cause this single handedly. We are just insane. We love you, and we are insane. (And sleep child, just sleep. If you sleep, you can just ignore us.)

The good news is it doesn't last forever. It's just a few difficult months in the beginning that are a bit shocking, and then eventually we wake up one day and life is not as hard as it was the day before. And slowly but surely we return to a new normal. And balance or no balance we can never imagine life without our newest addition. I LOVE this baby so much already. I'm just terrified of the aftermath of his arrival. :)

A bonus Charlotte.  I'd be lying if I didn't say that, in spite of my fears, I am really looking forward to some baby snuggles soon! 

I felt the need to share this before he comes, because I'm not sure when he will be coming. Unlike the other kids this one feels unpredictable. I thought I knew what having babies was like for us, then Charlotte came along and threw a wrench in that one, and now I just don't know. Will he come on his own? Will we make it to an induction date? I just don't know.

So if I start posting wild and random things or seem like I need some professional help after the baby comes, don't worry too much about me. We predicted this, right? We totally called it. In a way, being abnormal is normal. And to any of Eric's co-workers that may be reading this, for future reference...it's not you. It's him. His life is nutso. ;)

I'm always very curious about others' experiences in this department. I know several friends expecting baby #3 soon, and this isn't meant to scare anyone off, haha. Who knows, maybe the third will be your easiest yet! Jump on the hope train with me and maybe, just maybe, we'll beat the curse of the odd numbered children!

2 comments:

Heather said...

Heroes. All of you with more than 1.

Adrien said...

Sometimes it feels less like "hero" and more like "victim of circumstance." Haha!

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